From Function to Fitness :: Getting Your Groove Back

Dear Papal,

How do you measure your self worth?  For me, that measurement has always been against what you thought of me.  Crazy, I know, but when I was little and my real father left me and I never connected to my new step-father, all I had was you.  You meant the world to me. 

I always viewed you as a true man of the 50’s.  I am in love with your love story... marrying young at the age of 19; eloping with my grandmother who was only 16.  Of course I would kill my girls if they ever did that, but it was the 50's and I understand that times were different.  I love that you met my grandmother on a blind date while on leave and that you proposed on date number 2 only to have been turned down.  I love that you went back into the military to come home a few months later to propose again, only on date number 3, and that this time she said yes.   While you do have a "true" love story, I am grown now and I know yours is not sugar coated, but regardless, it is 60 years in the making and that is rare and to be admired in my day.

To me, your love is explained best in terms of your dedication to each other.  You had three children back to back.  My grandmother was given very limited funds to purchase everything.  And I know what "everything" is, because she remembers and shares those days vividly.  Fabric for clothes, food for dinners, everything that was needed.  I love that you were such a hard worker and an engineer- although it took me many years to realize that did not mean "driving a train".  I love that you came out of retirement three times- but finally lost that battle to a garden and koi pond.

Growing up, you were everything to me.  Absolutely everything.  You could fix, build, do anything.  In addition to that, you were a man of style (smoking this really cool pipe while sitting in the lazy boy, wearing the tweed blazer with leather elbow patches).  You took me ice skating when I came to visit.  In fact, you took me everywhere. 

For a long time, you were very proud of me.  I know you were extremely hard on your own children, but me, the only grandchild, I could swing from the moon if I wanted to and I think you would have been happy to take me there.  As a man who would wait for no one, I look back and see how you would wait for me forever. 

I know having a baby at 21 was not the "best" scenario for me. It always perplexed me that it was not that circumstance that would change your views of me.  I felt "the change" two years later when I dropped out of college, stopping short that one year.  I can still hear you now… “I told my surgeon that you were on the Dean’s List and dropped out and he could not believe how anyone on the Dean’s List would drop out.”   Did you know that you have used that line for about 13 years now?

The next stone fell when I quit my desk job of 8 years.  I know it was a "good" desk job with "good" pay, but it had no heart and no soul.  And I am sure it had soul for the guys running it, but not for me.  Your obvious disappointment in my decision has been crushing me these past few years.  “How could you risk everything like this?” "How can you make a living hula hooping?"  “Why would you leave such a good job?”

I have spent the past two years trying my best to prove my worth to you.  In fact, I have unfortunately entered into the dog & pony show of “look at me! look at me!” when I am around you, listing off all of my accomplishments and updates as if it might strike some sort of approval.  Now I can tell you are excited when I am featured in the papers.  And of course you never fail to tune in to see me if I am going to be on TV.  But I have always been able to  tell that you still think that that last year of college, or those desk years into retirement would have been a much better choice. Although I kept working hard to prove otherwise, admittedly I could not help but still question those things myself. 

Fortunately, my Southern Living article debuted last week and I had an even bigger dog & pony show for you.  I figured, how could I get more legit than this?!  This was MY family's magazine after all.  All of my friends were excited.  I was excited.  Mom told me that you made copies (color copies even) and sent to all the relatives.

I was thinking that the excitement might be the ceiling of the experience and of course, one more notch in earning your approval.  But then something important happened and I really wanted to share it with you.

Yesterday, I received a call from a spunky woman in New Jersey who wanted a hula hoop.  She definitely had her wits about her and sounded no more than 50, so imagine my surprise when she shared that she was 81!  She said that she never had a hoop as a kid and always wanted one and had never hooped before.  And to think that by reading my article in Southern Living she is now going to start hula hooping!?  Amazing!

And then a short hour later I received the following email…

“Nov 9th, 09 - I am 61 but still try to revise those numbers to 16 - I though I was in great shape until being diagnosed.  Please tell me how I can buy a hoop - I live in the country about 20 miles from Little Rock, AR. MANY years ago I used to hoop - not sure if I can now but would love to try. I admire what you are doing and will say a prayer for you.”

Upon telling her I would provide her with a free Hooping for Hope hoop, she responded,

“Okay and thank you so much - I will let you know if I can still hoop! And never ignore a lump - I have always been faithful for my yearly diagnostic mammogram - About April I noticed a lump and waited until time for my yearly mammogram in July.  Because of the size of the tumor I had to have the chemo. If I had gone sooner maybe I could have missed out on the chemo! Through what you are doing for breast cancer patients - you let our eyes once again sparkle with the hope that life will some how get back to normal.  Thank you so much."  

Honestly, I have never really thought too much about what I am doing in the scale of 'cause and effect' on others.  But don't get me wrong, I have had some absolutely incredible responses that affirm my direction.  There was one student who told me that she had just been though a really bad time and that my hoop class was the first thing to make her smile in two years.  And then another shared that her friend in hoop class went home and broke up with her abusive boyfriend after discovering happiness in my class.  But, I kind of figured these might be isolated results of happening to be in a class that I taught. 

But this morning the flow continued...

“We had been plotting to move to move to East Nashville for a while, and the Southern Living article confirmed my choice.  I cannot reserve a class (I have to sell our house in FL), my husband died one month ago, and the we is me.   Sounds like You live in a perfect place and perfect exercise to help me heal.”

And then immediately to a phone call this morning...  “What are your studio hours?  We want to come see your studio and get a hoop.  We are in from out of town and read the article in Southern Living.  I had a sister who died at the age of 24 with breast cancer.  She had a 3 year old daughter at the time.  We love what you are doing to help breast cancer survivors and we want to support you.”

In my life, I have never really cared what others truly thought, except for you.  At the age of 81, with all of your faults finally revealed, I still care about your opinion just as much now as I ever did.  But thankfully you now have competition... Southern Living stepped in and unexpectedly adjusted that perception of me, for me.

I am hoping that through this letter you will adjust your perception of me as well. I am even hopeful that you might allow the stories of the women above to weight in on your judgment too.  Yes, I am still hoping that you will finally become really proud of me again. 

But with all that said, in the end, I close my letter to tell you that I have finally arrived to value the work that I am doing and the importance of my feeling proud of myself.  I want to thank you for encouraging me to work harder and to do better.  I know that you did not do that intentionally, but in all of your disappointment in my choices, you have, in the end made me a much stronger and more valuable woman, wife and mother- and for that I am forever in debt and will always love you.

Love, me.

 Click here to read the Southern Living article that changed my life.